Well, for 2011, I only watched 242 movies. Alas. In all fairness, I was very busy with school. I'll try to do better this year since I have nine months off.

Last year, my first movie was Rashômon, which dealt with rape in rural Japan. My last movie was The Virgin Spring, which dealt with rape in rural Sweden. I did not plan that.

1. The Great Train Robbery (1903)
2. In the Cool of the Day
3. Rocknrolla
4. Kit Kittredge: An American Girl
5. The Corn is Green
6. Our Vines Have Tender Grapes
7. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
8. Belle Star
9. Annie Oakley (1935)
10. If Winter Comes
11. The Ledge
12. What Doesn't Kill You
13. Shoulder Arms (1918)
14. White Noise 2
15. The Iron Lady
16. The Way Back
17. Carnage
18. Cry, the Beloved Country
19. Out of the Fog
20. The Toast of New York
21. Broadcast News
22. The Losers
23. The Purple Rose of Cairo
24. Uncertain Glory
25. Reunion in France
26. The Train
27. Bright Leaf
28. Experiment in Terror
29. The Angels Wash Their Faces
30. The Art of Getting By
31. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
32. Friends With Benefits
33. Ziegfeld Girl
34. Each Dawn I Die
35. Red Tails
36. The Great Garrick
37. The Valley of Decision
38. Birds of America
39. The Professionals (1965)
40. Then She Found Me
41. Stone
42. The Deep Blue Sea (2011)
43. The Decoy Bride
44. Once Upon a Honeymoon
45. The Stone of Destiny
46. Dylan Dog: Dead of Night
47. The Proud and the Profane
48. Big Miracle
49. Warlock
50. Buried
51. Secretariat
52. Blossoms in the Dust
53. Billy Elliot
54. Chaos Theory
55. Born to Be Bad
56. No Strings Attached
57. Indiscretion of an American Wife
58. Green Street Hooligans
59. The Woman in Black
60. The Secret of Santa Vittoria
61. Sundown
62. The Desert Rats
63. Comrade X
64. Joan of Paris
65. Z
66. Nicholas Nickleby (2002)
67. Howl
68. In Old Arizona
69. Arizona (1940)
70. Wanderlust
71. The Love Parade
72. The China Syndrome
73. Friendly Persuasion
74. A Majority of One
75. The Right Stuff
76. Alibi
77. Adam
78. Jolene
79. All Good Things
80. London Boulevard
81. Killer Elite
82. Mr. Popper's Penguins
83. John Carter
84. The Golden Era
85. Beautiful Boy
86. Margin Call
87. Melancholia
88. The Irish In Us
89. Charly
90. Men in White
91. The Doctor Takes a Wife
92. The Hunger Games
93. Affair in Trinidad
94. Peggy Sue Got Married
95. Mirror Mirror
96. No Man of Her Own
97. Larry Crowne
98. I'm No Angel
99. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
100. Fall Guy
101. Girl Shy
102. Cabin In the Woods
103. Mommie Dearest
104. What a Way To Go!
105. In America
106. The Moon is Blue
107. Lady L
108. She Couldn't Say No
109. The Happening (1967)
110. Beach Blanket Bingo
111. Gold Is Where You Find It
112. Lord Jim
113. Honky Tonk
114. HappyThankYouMorePlease
115. Game Change
116. Breaking Dawn
117. Daydream Nation
118. Machete
119. The Five Year Engagement
120. My Love Came Back
121. Cyrus
122. Evening
123. Having Wonderful Time
124. The Conspirators (1944)
125. The Teahouse of the August Moon
126. The Courtship of Eddie's Father
127. Hideous Kinky
128. Mata Hari
129. The Avengers
130. Tower Heist
131. Age of Consent
132. Dark Shadows
133. The Music in My Heart
134. What's Your Number?
135. The Collector
136. The Moonlighter
137. The Great Man's Lady
138. Battleship
139. In Time
140. The Spoilers
141. Marlene (1984)
142. Murphy's Romance
143. The Beggar's Opera
144. Primrose Path
145. Gambling Lady
146. The Nanny Diaries

Originally published at Mostly Filler. Please leave any comments there.

Merry Christmas! I went to the movies yesterday (I saw My Week With Marilyn and The Descendants) and before each movie, I saw this eBay commercial.

I was irritated both times that I saw it. I understand that eBay is trying to get customers to use the site for Christmas gifts. However, this girl is a brat. I’m sure it’s meant to be cute and maybe precocious. It fails. It also completely misses the point of Christmas.

Originally published at Mostly Filler. Please leave any comments there.

I’ve been thinking a lot about cancer lately. I saw 50/50. That made me think of it. Today, it was announced that Steve Jobs succumbed to pancreatic cancer. This is the same form of cancer that took my grandma at fifty and my uncle at forty-four. Mostly, though, I’ve been thinking about cancer because my cousin went in for genetic testing to see if she has the cancer gene. I’m not entirely sure on the science of how this works, so I won’t be including much about it.

There are two sides to the argument for genetic testing. On the one hand, it can allow a person to prepare or it could allow them some piece of mind. On the flip side, it almost feels like playing God. It almost feels like knowing more than one should. Of course, if one happens to be an atheist, this argument isn’t a problem. I don’t think it’s quite as bad as the science behind cloning or possibly deciding the sex of your unborn child.

My sister is someone I would advocate doing this. In fact, she did do it. Luckily, her test came back and she has no potential cancer genes. You see, my mom was eighteen years-old when she had my sister and she put her up for adoption. When they found each other, my sister decided that while she did want a relationship with my mother (and me), she did not want to know her biological father. So, that side of her family history was a mystery. She didn’t know the family history, so she didn’t know what signs to look for. This seems especially important since, apparently, its the father’s side of the family that one needs to look at for these things.

My cousin who had this testing has a family. She has two wonderful children who happen to be two of my favorite people in the entire world. She has a reason to want to know. It isn’t just her grandmother and father who died of cancer. Her other three grandparents also died of cancer. Her aunt (my mother) was a cancer survivor. To put it bluntly, the family history is bleak.

Her sister, my other cousin (obviously), is also going to get tested. This has led to encouragement that I get tested. I’ve given it some thought. Right now, whatever I decide doesn’t entirely matter because I don’t have medical insurance (that’s another blog entry entirely). I am told that with my family history, that my insurance would approve the testing. I’ve made a decision, though.

I don’t want to know.

My cousin and I are at very different places in our lives. She’s finished with college, she’s married, and she has two children. She’s got a happy, settled life and it isn’t just her future that she needs to consider. I am in the middle of college and single. My life is just beginning and while I have a great family, it’s just me that I need to consider right now.

That isn’t my main reason for not wanting to know this. It isn’t even a reason at all. The issue is that I don’t want knowing this information to hinder my life in any way. I’m also about to say something on here that I’ve never told to anyone, though they may have gathered as much just through conversation.

As you may have gathered from previous entries, my mom passed away. It’ll be four years this December. She had a lot of ailments. A lot. She survived cancer. They found it on her six-week checkup after I was born, which is why I was their only child. Due to an issue with her hysterectomy, there was a myriad of other problems throughout the rest of her life. These problems really began on my eighth birthday and it was really all downhill from there. I have no memory after that of my mom having a completely healthy day. During her last four years of life, I was home with her everyday taking care of her. I was with her, literally, until the very last moment of her life.

The point is, I watched everything that she went through. I watched her day in and day out as she was in pain and miserable and couldn’t sleep and sometimes couldn’t even remember her own name. I was twenty-three when she died.

She nursed her mother when she was sick with cancer. She was there with her everyday helping her with whatever she needed. When my grandmother went in for surgery, my mother wouldn’t leave her side until she was forced to go home, clean up, and get some rest before coming back to the hospital. My mother was twenty-four when her mother died.

It feels like a pattern has formed. I’ll admit to moments of paranoia. This is the part that I’ve never really voiced to anyone. This apparent pattern (which, I’m aware, could just be coincidence) has made me reconsider what I want for my future. The important issue is whether or not I want to have children. I’ve asked myself if I want to have a child if there’s a chance that the child could go through what my mother and I went through with me, and then if their child went through the same thing. There are a lot of what ifs involved with this.

So, let’s say that I do get this genetic testing. I find out that I have the gene that could mutate into cancer. Does this mean I don’t have children? Does this mean that my family line stops with me? It would on my dad’s side since he is an old child and I am his only child.

What would I do if I did know? Would I eat healthy foods and exercise regularly? I already do that. I already make an effort to be as healthy as I can. I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t drink. I’m aware of my own body and I know what to look for.

If I know, there’s a chance that I could let that knowledge hinder my life and keep me from living it to the fullest. That’s what I don’t want. I’ve already had thoughts like that because of what happened to my mother and grandmother.

Like I said, I’m in a different place than my cousins and even my sister. I could very well change my mind at some point. But, right now, I want to live my life to the fullest and for me, that involves not knowing.

By the way, I’m aware that I could test negative for the gene and still end up with cancer. Cancer sucks. I’m pretty sure that is the one thing that everyone in the world, no matter who they are or what they believe in, can agree on.

Originally published at Mostly Filler. Please leave any comments there.

This afternoon, I’ve been spending time watching YouTube clips of acceptance speeches for the American Film Institute’s Lifetime Achievement Award. I hold Ingrid Bergman responsible. Today is both her birthday and the anniversary of her death. As such, I sauntered on over to YouTube to watch some old clips featuring Ingrid. I came across one in which she refers to Alfred Hitchcock as an adorable genius. It began this chain reaction of speech watching. It’s been a fine way to spend some time. Here are two of my favorites.

Alfred Hitchcock’s speech is everything a person could want from an Alfred Hitchcock speech.

Billy Wilder, one of the wittiest men to ever write a picture, makes a wonderful speech about the rise of technology in film making. Twenty-five years later, it’s still appropriate.

If you watched the above speeches, you will understand my choice of subject line.

Originally published at Mostly Filler. You can comment here or there.

I’ve been sick lately. When I’m sick, I want my mommy. My mom was sick herself. Her days when she was well were few and far between. However, if I was feeling sick (and it was never as bad as she was), she would always try to forget her own illness to take care of me. So, I’m sick and I want my mommy. It has me missing her more than I already do on a daily basis. So, I was going through some old pictures and thought I would share one.

The above picture is my mom dancing on top of the bar at Hogs & Heifers in New York City in 2001. We took a family trip to New York after I graduated from high school. My dad is a man who values class, but also really likes dive bars. So, we headed to Hogs & Heifers. I was seventeen at the time, so I waited outside while my dad had a beer and my mom took pictures. After a bit, I hear cheering and clapping from outside. My first thought was, “My mom is dancing on the bar.” Sure enough, I look in the open door to find my mother on top of the bar dancing. Apparently, the bartender was not enthusiastic about my mom taking pictures. So, this woman told my mom, “If you want to take more pictures, you need to get up on the bar and shake it.” I doubt that woman thought for a moment that my tiny, fifty-one year-old mother would actually get up there and dance. I knew better.

My mom was talkative. I used to jokingly tell her not to talk to strangers. She would then tell me that if she talked to them then they wouldn’t be strangers anymore. Well, she had a point. My mommy was the type who would begin dancing in the middle of a department store if a song came on that she liked. More than once she would pull the car over on the side of the road so that she could get out and dance.

Ever since she died, a part of me has wanted to do that. When she was alive, I would sometimes try to stop her out of embarrassment. She would tell me that I was trying to stifle her creativity. Now that she’s not here, a part of me – and it’s a big part – wants to do what she did. I want to be that outgoing. Part of me really wants to walk into a star and dance like nobody is watching.

Day Twenty-Four: Favorite Lyrics

Karma Police by Radiohead

Radiohead lyrics involve some critical thinking skills. I love this song and its lyrics.

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio
Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us
Karma police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll
This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

( Rest of the Days )

ABC canceled All My Children and One Life to Live last week. Both shows were created by Agnes Nixon, a woman I have always been very fond of. I feel said because I think AMC deserved to continue (I honestly cannot say the same for Passions, the other soap I watched that got the axe). I was reading some soap news and just read this little tidbit:

"Word on the street is that Brian Frons told Nixon, “It was great working with you.” And she retorted, “When was that?”"

I love you, Agnes. Anyone who has watched ABC daytime in about the past five or six years knows that Brian Frons (head of ABC Daytime; I met him once) has long had it in for those two shows. He's made some decisions and forced TPTB at each show to do things that should not have been done (Ryan and Greenlee, killing Dixie with poisoned pancakes). He's been actively working to kill these two shows and ignore their strong legacies and their loyal audiences. I love that quote from Agnes. It comes from Nelson Branco, who is reliable as far as soap reporting goes. That woman, in her eighties, is right on top of things with that wit. I hope she doesn't hold back.

Song You Associate With a Funny Scene

Africa by Toto

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Jeffster. They just take it so seriously that you can't help but laugh. There is some serious stuff. But Jeffster is performing Africa, which makes it all so ridiculous.

Watch it here!

( The rest of the days... )

My new TV is hooked up!

Day Nineteen: Song You Associate With a Sad Scene

My Skin by Natalie Merchant

Now, there are a lot of songs that I could associate with sad scenes, but this one really sticks. This song actually gets bonus sad points, because it plays in an ASPCA commercial. The one where various pets ask questions like, "Am I going to be hit today?" Or, "What did I do to deserve this?" But, in this scene, Emily Sloane has recovered and she's happy. Her husband, who she loves dearly and thinks is a genuine hero and patriot, brings her to this beautiful beach house. Then, he tells her the truth about SD-6. Ron Rifkin and Amy Irving are absolutely wonderful in it. It's done with minimal dialogue, so their expressions and the song tell the entire scene, basically. It's very sad.



( The rest of the days... )

Day Eighteen: Song You Associate With a Happy Scene

Devil Town by Tony Lucca

Okay, this scene is happy, but the song isn't necessarily. This is the second time this song played on the show. It's become a part of the show, actually. It first played in the second episode, then the season one finale. DirecTV used it for its season three promos, then it played in the penultimate episode. This is a happy scene, though. They won State! No matter how many times I've watched the episode, I still tear up. Then, this song plays as the episode closes and the team gets a parade while the town watches on. My alarm is the theme for Friday Night Lights theme, and after it plays, this song starts playing in my head. Every single morning. I associate it very strongly with this show and this scene in particular.

I can't find a YouTube clip of it, but here's one of those season three promos. Which were a little odd. Tim Riggins makes the rain go back into the clouds.



( The rest of the days... )